Think it’s hard to be married to a narcissist? Well, divorcing one can be one of the most challenging experiences anybody can endure.
Narcissists (and those with narcissistic traits) are highly manipulative, controlling and they lack empathy. Because everything is transactional with them – and divorce automatically means you are no longer providing what they need from you – they tend to lash out in predictable ways during a divorce.
What can you do about the situation? Prepare yourself with these tips:
1. Educate yourself
This is the most important step to take. Read everything you can find on narcissistic disorders and read about coping techniques like the “gray rock” method that can help you limit your spouse’s ability to upset or provoke you. This is also the best way to anticipate their actions and develop a planned response.
2. Set hard boundaries
Narcissists hate boundaries, but you need to enforce them. Insistent that all communications go through official channels or be written. If they try to discuss details of the split in person, remind them of the rules and say that you’ll respond once you see their communication in print.
3. Get a support system
You need friends, family and/or a therapist to help you through this time. A good support system can help you find a place to safely vent your frustrations and process what’s happening. They can also help you recognize your spouse’s manipulations.
4. Document everything
When a narcissist is involved, you want to keep detailed records of every contact and every incident involving your spouse’s questionable behavior. This includes emails, text messages, voicemail, messages on social media and letters.
Protecting yourself when you’re going through a divorce with a narcissist can be tough, but early legal intervention can make it easier.